Sunday, August 12, 2007

pressure to be a "changed" woman

I've had a few people mention this in passing, but this morning I got an e-mail explicitly asking:

"I am sure that you have reflected on life and have a different/altered attitude about it and about your relationships, etc... I would be curious if you (when you have time) could write back and just share with me a little bit about how this experience has changed your perception about yourself, your values, and your life."

Truth be told, I don't feel very much different. I might change that once I'm out and looking back.

I am happy that there are some others who are closer in touch now :) It's not a change in me or one that I really control (though I control half of it, I guess).

I feel more "invincible" now than I did three months ago. Isn't that funny? You always hear about people getting potentially terminal diseases and feeling more mortal. I did for a little while, but since I've learning that I'm beating the crap out of it, I feel really tough, for lack of a better word.

I have new confirmation that I am strong and can be positive through a short long-term hell.

I am grateful for my fabulous husband in a new/different context.

Overall, though, I generally liked the balance I had in my life, between work, friends, marriage, family, other stuff. I might tweak it a bit, but it's not like this has caused a major shift.

The woman I was talking to in the infusion room on Thursday commented on how neat it was to watch her partner's priorities change, spending less time partying and more time with family, etc. I think this is the kind of thing that people are looking for or assuming is happening with me, but really, as far as I can tell, it's really just not.

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